" The diary " with angg & Bree part 2 :: sad .

did i mention ?

its all because you lied . . .

if i thought i was before i was wrong , there was never one like this . & sure likely to be none after . . .

i had a conversation with a friend of mine today and i was telling her how i was so tired playing the "strong girl " role .I wanted to let my guard down for once , experience things in a way i haven't before. . . So i did. Sometimes letting your guard down has great outcomes , in my case it was different.

Dear angg ,

"I can't explain why it's him . . .

& the end of the day baby I just don't want to
Sometimes he don't even treat me right . . .
But , when I'm with him, ain't nobody else like it
I'm so sorry baby that I have to do this to you
But I can't go on pretending...
Cause I love him, I love him
And I'm so sorry... do you hear me?
I'm so sorry but I love that man
I love that man...
He ain't always right, but he's just right for me . . "

xoxo angg ♥

I feel like im telling myself that. The True me , the real angela knows that this isnt her .

The old me would never ever ever ever put up to be treated this way. . . I used to look at girls like this and laugh at how stupid they were . I never thought i'd be that girl...

I feel like i let myself down in every way possible. I was always taught to fight for what i wanted , so thats what i did. But i began to lose myself along the way. & every day , every moment that it continues , i lose myself a little more. . . The true meaning of dying inside. so im stuck , do i continue to fight and lose me or give up and try to regain what ive lost ? seems like i lose either way.

I never forget , im grateful for my friends but at the end of the day , im the only one who can feel the pain , joy , or sadness that i feel . & im the only one who cries the tears i cry . . so no one can truly care because no one knows how i feel .

"so i put on my make up , i put a smile on my face. . & if anyone asks me , everything is okay. But im dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face .

its not an easy thing to do , sometimes its hard to face the truth , but what else can i do ?"

i guess it is what it is .

really feeling it tonight . . .

I believed in you that's why I'm so mad ...

story of my life .

"Ima save these texts and 2 years down the line ima show you them and be like see baby you was wrong ."

. . . so what happened ?

i may never understand why . . . im doing the best that i can .

letter to myself 12/3/2010

I cant explain why , couldn't even tell you how. In the end , you still being there is what matters. If you really want something , if you really love something, you will fight for it. . . & i'm fighting. Not giving up , & nothing or no one is perfect , as this relationship... My heart stays faithful ♥ .

Me being happy is what matters , me staying and being true is what matters . . . im in love and thats ALL that matters . ♥

Friends forever ?