This is Long overdue . . . 
 
  I was in the hair salon reading Cosmo mag , with the Lauren Conrad cover , when an ex best-friend sent me a message on aim. Ironic , because I was reading Lauren's article while chatting w. her . Everytime I watch the (newer seasons) of The Hills , I am always reminded of me and her. Just because of Lauren and Heidi . Just because of their situation. A friendship wasted over a certain situation. Or shall i say , a certain someone . 
 
  My freshman year in high school was fun. Mainly because you were my bestfriend. Forreal , we really had some good ass times. lol , from the " quotes of the day " just to our conversations. You alwayss had me laughing. & you put up with all my nonsense . I really couldn't have asked for a better bestfriend then. Everything used to be all good. 
 
  The that person came along. everything changed. I don't wanna go into too much detail because being who i am today , i just don't feel that it would be right. But you & I know what happen , even though we have different perceptions of it. Don't let anyone tell you ANYTHING about this. People have a lot of different shit to say , & don't know a damn thing about what REALLY went down. I know that from first hand experience. 
 
  So what happened , happened. First it was fine , or so I thought. Turns out that everyones true feelings weren't known. Truth is , If I would've known that you Did have a problem with it , I wouldn't have done it. I'm not the type of person to let someone tell me what to do . But you were my Bestfriend and i respected your opinion. But you gave me the go-ahead so i did. 
    blah blah blah , that happened . went from good to bad to good to bad to worse . then you did what you did & got your playback or so you felt. I don't know but I felt that you were told lies. About me , i mean. From that person. You never really told me much about what they said but i Just have a feeling that it wasn't the truth. As far as anything concerning me. I don't know what happened , and even if i did I wouldn't get into that on here . 
 
  I know that you don't know this , But i always had your back. Everytime someone came and asked me something about you , believe it or not , I always defended your name. I guess , they believed that since we had "issues" I would go and run my mouth about you. They were wrong all of them. Know that I never told your business. That shit is so wack to me. For me to go and talk about you when we weren't cool , wouldve been the wackest shit. & not even that , you WERE my bestfriend. It just wouldn't have been right to do that. 
 
  We used to be fucking inseparable. yea, those were the good old days. so when things got reallyyyy bad between us , it hit me. Yea i had the " fuck this shit " attitude , but that's just because that's who i am. You know that about me. I have an attitude. But I'm being honest , deep inside ,  that shit h u r t . Idk about others but when it comes to me , (Best) friendship is important. For Kasandra , Aneissa and you , if there's drama between me & one of you , i feel some type of way. All my other "friends" know that if you do me wrong , its over right then and there . No 2nd chances. 
 
  I guess we tried to reconcile , at least that's what i thought. It just wouldn't seem to work though. Feelings were still inside of people. At least you and I gave it a try. & I thank you for that. For most of the time , the worst thing for me wasn't that what happened , happened . It was the fact that I lost a person who I had grown so close to. I wish we could've stayed friends. 
 
  People ask me if I could've changed something about the situation , what would it be ? & I always tell them nothing . Yes , it was a bad situation. But I probably won't do anything different if I had the chance. Just because everything happens for a reason and dealing with that , helped me grow. 
 
  I can't write everything I felt in this entry , there isn't enough time in the world to explain . so I`ll say this 
 
  Avril , I wish things turned out different. But I can't change the past. I wish i could re-live the moments we had a bestfriends , but i can't relive the past. " There's a blessing in every lesson." & it was a good experience , everything that happened. I seen a side of you that a lot people who have blunt opinions of you haven't seen. You are a fun & good person. I still miss the good times . I miss our phone conversations , I miss our Lunch times , walking home together . I miss telling you things that I could only say to you and no one else just because we had that bond. . . . everything. & sometimes , seeing you and not saying anything is hard , really hard. Its not easy nor is it fun to lose a bestfriend. & its funny because we became so close soo quick . But that just made our friendship even more special. People who were outsiders , looking in on this situation have no clue what it was like.  
 
  I can't be sorry for what happened , and I'm not. Only because that situation made me realize a lot of things about how people are and how and who i am. But i am sorry for HOW it happened. Maybe one day , we can go out somewhere like we always planned , back in the day lol , but never did , lol  . I dont think that we could ever go back to being how close we were just because of the sitaution itself being soo fucked up ( we both know it was not worth it ) . But i am glad that at one time i was able to call you my bestfriend. Regardless , I hope you are happy in whatever it is you are doing . & I wish you the best. 
 
-- angg .